"One love...

... One life" - U2


First ultrasound? Check. Babies? One. Do I want a picture? Absolutely.

Doc said everything seemed fine and dated me at just over 5 weeks. Like a good host, he asked how I was doing. So, we talked about the huge lump in my rump from the PIO, the ravenous hunger, and the mild to moderate cramping. I was assured that the cramps are normal and, as long as there's been no spotting, I shouldn't worry. Easier said than done. And I got some other good news - decaf coffee is on the menu! Woohoo - Dunkin here I come.

The next ultrasound is schedule one week apart from the first, Thursday 5/19. Doc says we should be able to hear the heartbeat. So cool!

"Oh and you come crash...

...Into me, baby" - Dave Matthews Band

Apparently the ideal concentration of HCG on 11dp3dt (14dpo) should be between 25 and 100. Before the first beta I had taken enough HPTs to finally wrap my head around the fact that today's news might be good. So when the nurse called with my results I wasn't as nervous as I was last year. That doesn't mean the call was without shock. My beta number was 275!!! Hopefully there's either one really strong kid in there...or there's two. Anyone attempting IVF recognizes the chance of multiples, but if you have stage 4 endometriosis like I do, you question the implantation of one embryo let alone two. What could be more shocking? Well, this...

Beta # 2: 13dp3dt (16dpo) = 934!!!!

Is there a hippopotamus in there? And I thought the only reason to worry would be if the numbers were too low. Whoda thunk I'd be worried that they were too high and doubling too quickly. I read on another blog that the stretch of time between the second beta and the first ultrasound is worse than the dreaded TWW. I didn't know it could get much worse, but at this point though I'm as thrilled as I am nervous. I wholeheartedly thought this round was a failure. The drugs didn't really bother me as much as the first time. I wasn't nearly as moody or bloated. Neither the retrieval nor fertilization results were stellar and, in general, my outlook was poor. Here's hoping the pleasant surprises keep coming.

Tomorrow is beta #3 and Thursday is the first ultrasound. I feel like Red at the end of The Shawshank Redemption...I hope I can make it 40 weeks. I hope to see my babies and hold them in my arms. I hope motherhood is as wonderful as it is in my dreams. I hope.

"I'm walking on sunshine, woooah...

...and don't it feel good!" - Katrina and The Waves

Words. Cannot. Express.

"Imagination sets in...

...pretty soon I'm singing." - CCR

Here's today's FRER - 8dp3dt. Since yesterday I've used four Dollar Store HPTs. Two showed faint-faint-faint lines, two showed nothing. This started to crush my spirit. I thought that the massage I impulsively decided to get on Saturday may have triggered an early miscarriage. Why didn't I google "acupressure and pregnancy" before taking my top off? I'm convinced I brought this on myself. So, I went out and bought 3 more FRERs. Total spent on HPTs thus far this cycle = $80.

Do you see a second line? I think I do. And, this picture was taken within the timeframe you're supposed to read the result, unlike the last picture that was taken maybe an hour after. Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Is my subconscious willing my brain to register a second line? The uncertainty is killing me. If it doesn't work, I will be beyond crushed. I will drink an entire bottle of wine and smoke a full pack of cigarettes before crying myself to sleep. But if I could be one of the lucky ones this time...I can't even express how grateful I would be. I wouldn't take anything for granted. The statistics for IVF aren't as high as you might think (see: http://www.cdc.gov/art/). At my clinic, only approximately 48% of procedures for women in my age group result in a live birth - and they're ranked #2 in the US. That means more than half will fail. Please, please, please, let my failure be behind me.